Dads Who Do Stuff

FATHERS WHO DO STUFF

Loved It At The Time: Glad They’re On Their Own Now

When Chris first floated the idea of “Fathers Who Do Stuff” providing a few words on their philosophy of parenting, I thought; condensing such an important endeavour, fatherhood, into a paragraph or two is impossible.  And I was right.  But in our household some elements rose to prominence and a few themes were emphasized.  First, it helps when both parents share the same philosophy on the subject.  Secondly, I – we – whether by luck or design, found that some things in a child’s life and environment are essential.  Unconditional love is the obvious one.  And to answer Chris’ question – it’s both: you have to show them love through your actions, but also tell them every day.  More and more I realize how important curiosity is to a child’s wellbeing, and that every child should be encouraged to develop passions/hobbies/interests.  I think instilling a love of reading is a great place to start on that – read to them every day, starting when they’re infants. All Family Studies teachers will tell you how important the dinner table is: having meals together whenever possible, even in our busy lives, grounds everyone – even harried parents.  Humour and the ability to laugh (insert lame parent joke here) gives every child another tool to deal with life. Show them you can laugh at things, and above all laugh at yourself.  Tell a lame parent joke at the dinner table.  They’ll groan, but years later you’ll overhear them telling it to some children somewhere – I guarantee it.  And being heard is something that not only helps in a child’s developing confidence, but down the road the modeling a parent has done in listening helps to make that child a better communicator. 

The main themes in our household, when raising our children were decision making, independence and responsibility.  Our children were always encouraged to make many of their own decisions, so long as they were not putting themselves in physical, emotional or moral danger.  A child should not be frightened to make mistakes – I’d bet we all learned some of our best lessons from mistakes we’ve made.  Obviously, a parent has to make many of the decisions when a child is either too young or inexperienced to do so.  But this promotes independence, which translates into a personal confidence in whatever they do in life.  And what goes along with decision making and independence better than responsibility?  Children who are given the freedom to make their own decisions, their own mistakes, learn early how to take responsibility for their actions – or inaction if you’ve recently asked your child to take out the trash. 

Chris also asked the question about how involved “the tribe” should be in fathering/parenting a child.  While this is a large topic worthy of a graduate thesis, I believe the tribe should be involved.  I know my own boys have had many wonderful influences in their lives, from other fathers, coaches, teachers and friends.  I am grateful to all of them for what they have contributed to their lives and development as young men.

Ted Fryia